inca kola

just been reading this book over the weekend, my xmas present off dave (plus the latest horrorist cd seeing as i had the norovirus when i tried to see him play a few weeks ago).
all sorts of worries are now creeping through my head - like how too piss standing up at the side of the chicken bus, segregated: one side for men, one side for women. the mango is effective sometimes, but its uncomfortable and always that worry of screwing up.
i've been thinking a lot about metoidoplasty lately, i wonder if it's all just a progressive spiral until everything is done. i can remember a couple of years ago believing i would never transition. or never have surgery. and definetly never have bottom surgery. i guess circumstances change - i never thought i'd enjoy working!
tommorrow i'm seeing my cousin tim for the first time in about 3 years. seeing as we both work in tfl, we booked it as official meeting...
saw my dog at the weekend, and had a good old chinwag with my friend who looks after him. she's actually become a really good mate lately, in many ways reminds me of myself when i was younger, except with much more of a clue of what life is about. anyway, it was nice to see all of seth's clan who've done such a wicked job of looking after him this past 16 months. it's funny to think of seth not so much as my dog but a little bear in his own right, with his own network of humans!
i also met up with a lot of the guys i used to hang out with back in the early 2000's, and a sort of mild panic rose when i saw them all sat on the train waiting for me to peg it down the platform straight from having walked the dog, and shiv driving me manically from shipley to leeds train station. but they were all super cool about everything, not even needing explanations of why my name's changed since i last saw them or why i have sideburns now. i assume good old kinder must have updated them all which made it a lot easier and just plain nice to not to have to start the conversation with "so i changed gender..." and their attitude made me remember why i used to hang with them in the first place. sweet.